Notes from Vox: Grief, Cliches, and the Courage to Lament

A Practical Theology of Suffering - w/ Bonnie Lewis

Mike Erre / Bonnie Lewis Link to the Episode

Here’s some of what Mike and Bonnie talked about in this episode:

The church is woefully unprepared for dealing with grief. They listed some of the things that folks said to them in times of grief from their lives.

When Mike had depression, things like, “If you can’t handle this, how are you going to handle something really hard? Doesn’t God tell us not to be anxious?”

When Bonnie had lost a baby, “This was God’s will, you’ll love your other child more now, you’ll have another one.”

The people who said these objectively horrible things meant well. That’s the hard part for me. When my parents divorced, when people gave advice it was well meaning but never helped.

We should learn to memorize the phrase “I don’t know.”

“Why did this happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s going to happen next?”

“I don’t know.”

“Will God heal me?”

“I don’t know.”

Bonnie and Mike talked about the Jewish practice of Shiva, 7 days, 30 days, and for 1 year. During those times there are periods people sit with the grieving person and place no expectations on them but are available 24/7. I’m not sure, but it seems like family would take shifts. If the grieving person wants to talk then family/friends listen. If they don’t want to talk then that’s fine.

I’d love to learn more about the practice of Shiva. It seems like that might be a way to love others well. It’s hard to know who I could love this way, because it can’t be everyone, I just don’t have that capacity.